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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Jokes   Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:19 pm

I'm making a section to put your jokes in if they are not of the naughty nature. 2 thumbs up

To Be 6 Again...



A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it wa s off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!' argh




The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong. duh whistling
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Colossus
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:46 pm

Sounds about right. affraid rofl
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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:33 pm

I tell, it is more accurate then ya think. rofl
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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:50 pm

During the first year of marriage, the husband speaks and the wife hears.
During the second year, the wife speaks and the husband hears.
During the third year both of them speak, but only the neighbours hear. scratch giggle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man to his friend: "At my house I always say the last word".
His friend: "What is the word?"
The man: "I am sorry. Forgive me"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Together At Last

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, "At last they're together. At last they're together."

A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense...at last they're together!"

The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!" affraid giggle whistling
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Lil' Turtle
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:56 pm

lol hee hee !! i like that one

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Flower
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:41 pm

The second one sounds to good to be true. Shocked/Huh
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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Never Argue With A Woman   Tue Apr 29, 2008 5:48 pm

"Never Argue With A Woman"

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage
after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake,
the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors,
puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies,
(thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment .
I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left
.
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Lil' Turtle
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed Apr 30, 2008 11:35 pm

laff laff laff rofl

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu May 01, 2008 12:09 am

bahahahaa smiley dance
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Flower
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PostSubject: Underwear dust   Thu May 08, 2008 9:50 pm

Underwear dust...

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it
would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a
comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust'cloud
appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder
in my underwear?'

She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'
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Lil' Turtle
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Thu May 08, 2008 10:27 pm

Lol i think i peed my pants on that one... laff laff rofl rofl giggle bahahahaa

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri May 09, 2008 2:20 am

Miracle grow.... woot hyper
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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Wed May 14, 2008 12:28 am

Quote :
Knock Knock
Quote :
Who's there?
Quote :
Amos
Quote :
Amos who?
Quote :
Amosquito

bahahahaa
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri May 16, 2008 3:26 am

I thought this was funny. rofl

I guess "knock-knock" jokes aren't all that popular here....everyone is too sophisticated? scratch

Naaaahhh, this just passed by unread or there woulda been much laughter. Yes giggle whistling
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Lil' Turtle
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Fri May 16, 2008 9:06 pm

Lol I liked that one....My coworkers liked it too

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Rose Blossom
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun May 18, 2008 11:00 am

U.S.S Glory, 16 May 2002: 0130

Glory: Attention, unidentified vessel. Our paths are going to cross. We suggest you change course to avoid collision.

Unidentified Vessel: Negative, we suggest you change course as soon as possible.

G: Unidentified vessel, collision impact 90 seconds; you must change course.

U: Negative, you must change course immediately.

G: The is the U.S.S Glory, we order you to change your course immediately.

U: This is a lighthouse, get turning, boy!
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Briggers
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun May 18, 2008 11:59 am

lol. That is pretty funny.
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Lil' Turtle
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun May 18, 2008 10:58 pm

lol very cute

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun May 25, 2008 12:29 pm

Signs and notices

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.

1. On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"

2. A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"

3. Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."

4. Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

5. Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
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