Resume Gaffs:

Resume Gaffs:

Unintentional yet funny gaffs from real job application forms

1. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."

2. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

3. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

4. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."

5. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

6. "Marital status: often. Children: various."

7. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."

8. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

9. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."

10. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

THOSE WERE FUNNY

Colossus wrote:

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Sounds like a man wrote these....