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Rose Blossom
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Female Number of posts : 1206
Location : Long Island, NY
Job/hobbies : Too many
Humor : Heck yeah!
Registration date : 2008-01-18

PostSubject: More Jokes   Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:14 am

A husband and wife are doing their grocery shopping.


The man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping cart.



'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.



'They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans', he says.




'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...




A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.




'Whoa, what do you think you're doing?' asks the man.



'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.




The man replies...'SO DOES 24 CANS OF BEER, AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!'


Last edited by Rose Blossom on Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Rose Blossom
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Female Number of posts : 1206
Location : Long Island, NY
Job/hobbies : Too many
Humor : Heck yeah!
Registration date : 2008-01-18

PostSubject: Re: More Jokes   Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:19 am

"Never Argue With A Woman"


One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage
after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake,
the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors,
puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies,
(thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment .
I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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Lil' Turtle
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Female Number of posts : 882
Age : 47
Location : Texas
Job/hobbies : ANIMALS
Humor : G-Rated
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: Re: More Jokes   Wed Apr 30, 2008 11:36 pm

The fac cream one is funny laff

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Flower
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Female Number of posts : 458
Location : with the other flowers
Job/hobbies : yes
Humor : uh huh
Registration date : 2008-03-06

PostSubject: Re: More Jokes   Thu May 01, 2008 12:07 am

Yes, it is, it made me laff so hard, I wet me depends. affraid

Be back later, must go now. Embarassed Embarassed see ya
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Flower
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PostSubject: An Oldie, but, Goodie   Thu May 08, 2008 6:01 pm

An Oldie, but, Goodie

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
the 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me.
My body's only for my use;
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
and it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."

-------------------

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face;
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've cancelled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch".
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinnertime.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked, "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room;
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now;
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your Jet Ski,
dirt bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?"
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Lil' Turtle
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Age : 47
Location : Texas
Job/hobbies : ANIMALS
Humor : G-Rated
Registration date : 2008-04-08

PostSubject: Re: More Jokes   Thu May 08, 2008 8:17 pm

lol...I like that one... i know quite a few kids who need to read that...or have their parent do that to them.

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Flower
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PostSubject: Re: More Jokes   Fri May 09, 2008 2:23 am

Me too! Yes giggle
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